Note to OCD women.

Okay, pissed off just enough to write a little side note for today. This mom is KILLING me. I helped set the table for dinner tonight, and she told me to clean it afterwards. We all started to, then the dad and son left and I did it by myself. But i left some food on the table because I didn't know where to put it. She comes into the living room just now like, DAVEEEED, come here! So I come and she goes into how there is still stuff on the table and onto a rant about how I need to help out more, and how I never do the dishes, clean, etc... ARE YOU SERIOUS???? So I said "ummm what? most of the time it is ME who did the dishes, and I clean the table every night after dinner! (and take out the trash)" Man I was pissed but held it in, I mean she is completely mental. In a normal day I do the dishes, and at least help prepare the food and keep the kitchen clean by wiping down everything.. always asking if I can help her with something. Never a thank you. In fact she expects it, and I want to remind her its not in my contract. I paid thousands to be here to teach, not to be a freakin maid. And if she keeps it up much longer I'm gunna make that verrrry clear.

Gordes

The last few days have been a good change of pace for me. Wednesday I got a call from the agent here in France telling me an American girl was coming into Avignon and wanted to meet up. So we did, took her around and ended up sitting by the river most of the day. It was pretty relaxing. She's from Wisconsin and is living with a family in Nîmes nearby, so we had a good time making fun of each other's accent.

Thursday I chilled here at the house, taught Matt and his friend. My computer shocks me every time I use it now and I had it placed on a metal table outside during the English lesson, so we kept swapping dares to touch it the longest. It was quite painful. After the mom made me clean something so him and his friend were making fun of me. A spray and rag fight ensued and somehow ended up with a little karate or kickboxing of some sort haha. Even the mother joined in and she can throw a mean punch, not to mention swift kick in the rear. Later though I received some bad news that my grandfather is doing really bad and probably won't make it much longer :/

Today I got up early and went to the bakery with the parents here and got to see how everything works. Video below, pictures on fb. Found out another weird custom, and that is if you can't shake hands.. you shake the wrist. It took me a few minutes to figure out what the heck he was trying to do, but he had to keep his hands clean apparently. So, I took a walk around the town (Gordes) and it was pretty stunning. My camera died so I'll have to go back. Its an old roman town with lots of houses built into the cliff side and underground on top of a huge mountain. I managed just one photo. Also when i was walking around I noticed the rocks I was stepping on were crumbling, then to realize I was actually ending the life of a lot of snails.... big ones. I kinda felt bad. So the next one I came across I relocated to a plant it could devour haha as if that made up for the dead ones.

So yea, now I'm home, kinda zombie-like and going to go teach some english. Ciao!

C'est bizarre, non?

Sooo been kinda lax on the posts recently. Just not a whole lot going on in the week. I can't really start traveling until May :) but here we go. Today was pretty chill I must say. Got up and drank a lot of coffee, went for a run, had some lunch yada yada. When Valerie came home she asked me if I wanted to come to dinner with her and Bob up in the mountains with their friends. Sounded good to me. The drive up was stunning and I wish I had brought my camera. When we get to the house I’m warmly greeted by everyone and of course the fact that I am American catches their attention. One lady immediately started speaking English because she studied it at Oxford for three years. So we put on some reggae and just chill music in general and headed outside. The backyard dropped off and overlooked a small village and the mountains. Pretty beautiful. Everyone was extremely funny around the dinner table. Typical dirty French humor abounded. I was the victim of some jokes but my French didn’t stop me from responding in kind which they thought was amazing haha. The older man with the beard told me he has a boat down in Marseille and I’m welcome to come down anytime I want. He then told me we have to sleep together lol, picking on me of course. So I just said back… I’m gunna warn you I like to cuddle.. This kind of went back and forth throughout the night with various topics. Unfortunately the topic of politics came up later and I tried my best to explain America’s economics in French, bluhhh. Oh, it was kind of ironic at one point… they asked me which countries I have traveled to and I started out by saying Jamaica and that they smoke a lot of a certain plant there, and just as I say this they’re like, us too! And start passing some around. Won’t lie.. kindddda caught me off guard just a little bit. It then made sense when she had asked if I wanted something from her garden…. I kindly refused. The night then felt a little weird because actually just before that a slew of their neighbors had come running through the house and outside dressed in drag or as Disney characters.
The food was of course delicious, when do I stay it is not? I had a drink only made in Marseille, which tasted pretty amazing, wish I could remember the name. Very strong though, a very high proof, but it still went down soo smooth. So yea, that was today. Valerie told me we should go shopping together tomorrow in Avignon so I’m going to try and find some ultra-european clothes, maybe even those tiny bathing suits for Marseille next weekend… and I will most definitely take pictures of that!

Oh, and I’ll edit into the post the pictures of this night when I get them from Robert (the friend of the family) which should be soon, so you can put faces to everthing!

The Milgram Experiment

So I'm just writing this in case my computer finally goes to computer heaven. Or maybe computer hell because I'm of the opinion it is trying to kill me. Every time I plug it in the whole thing starts to electrically charge... to the point where it hurts to type because my fingers tingle. If i touch a metal part (like 90% of the casing) i can't distinctly feel the electricity. Or if I touch any buttons or screws it feels like that game where you hold the sticks and then it goes lalalalduhnahlalala----zzzzzzappppp! I tried fixing the power plug with metal pliers today which probably wasn't the best of ideas. So pretty much I might have to be looking into a replacement sometime soon before I get fried for good.

Kiss, Kiss, Quoi???

Another day in the books. I woke up this morning to my already crappy computer even crappier. The crappiest of crappies. Because, well when I got back from the disco last nite it was around 3am (there is no last call in France btw), I whipped out the ole mac for a little something to put me to sleep, and that was the Antiques Roadshow haha. Somewhere between a really old valuable object... and this other really really old more valuable-er-est object I dozed off, to awaken and find my computer had fallen to the floor... the floor of doom. The little charger plug I found had been bent like crazy and wouldn't fit back into the computer. So great... and let me first explain to you how awesome this laptop I have is. Prepare.. to be jealous. If I don't have the screen at just the right angle it cuts to black until I shut it, thus putting the computer to sleep. If its not plugged in period the battery lasts all of 3 minutes if I'm lucky. Every now and then the speakers short out into a loud static sound (like you hear between stations on the radio) that won't stop and you have to yell over. (Also on that note, when I was real young I used to think that that static sound on the radio came from a dog chewing on a diaper on the other side of the radio... yeaa...). Oh, and when I'm online, if I want to go to a new website I have to force quit the program :) Amazing. But yea... so luckily I straightened it out enough to use.. or else I'd be screwed.

So I went on another way too long run today and when I came back the mom asked me with the look of (Quoi???) as to why I was shirtless. Because I was running I said. She then told me it is "interdit" or "forbidden" to do that in France. I find this quite odd because all I see around here are billboards with totally nude women. Thats sexism haha. I can't even have my shirt off? I'll just be sneaky because I refuse to hardcore farmer's tan it.. and honestly.. I run through the countryside with nothing but dogs chasing me. Maybe they know the rule too and THATs why they are chasing me... barking "C'est interdit !!!!" in barktalk.

And the title for today's little entry is referring to the expression that is probably on my face when I see two guys doing the kiss cheek thing as a hello. Apparently that is only a southern thing here.

Also, I put up some pictures on Facebook. Check it out. There aren't many yet cuz I've been taking mostly video.

I woood laaack to buy a ammburgaarrr...

Not too much to talk about today. This week has been kinda chill. (P.s the French can't say Hamburger enough. The line from the Pink Panther. I'll post a vid soon with that.) So anyway, I'm becoming domesticated haha. Today I did the dishes, prepared the food for dinner, did everyone's laundry and cleaned the terrace. I'm going to buy my maid's uniform tomorrow. Nahh I really don't mind that much, I just think I could pull the outfit off, what do ya think? Really the only other thing I did was a 4 mile run this morning through the countryside, which I'm trying to do everyday now. Exercise is so much easier to do with this view. I'll try and get some pictures up soon. Oh, and tomorrow I'm going to get a taste of my first European Disco haha. This should be interesting. But in the meantime enjoy meeting the guy I'm here for.. Matt!

Nicities

You reach a point eventually when living with someone new where you start to notice little quirks about them. I think I'm getting to that point. When sitting around in the living room I'd hear random sounds like muffled popping and a sound like a fish thrashing to and fro trying to get some of the food that I'm dangling just above the water. It finally dawned on me its a family trait where (I think) they're biting their fingernails and doing some funky tongue action. Gets kind of annoying but I love em anyway. I've also noticed the mom is a wee bit OCD about her house being clean. I washed the dishes today while she was gone, but when she got back she called me inside to show me the dirty counter top, without a thank you for the dishes. Not to mention it was her son who left it like that, and honestly I didn't even know that was considered dirty, but whatever.

Bub's (the dad) mom came by today, got to do the cheek thing again, never gets old. She was extremely sweet and actually spoke some English. We started to make fun of how everyone in the south speaks (very fast and say every-freaking-syllable.. not how they teach in the classroom for sure).

Later... oohhh later.. the food :) once again so good. Baguette, then chinese, some stuffed pastries, seasoned fish with some thick ass bacon and come canna patta for dessert. The fish... was probably some of the best I've had so I asked what it was... anndd you just gotta see a picture of it haha -->--v




Not too much else. Glad to hear my boy Glenn is coming to visit in a few weeks! Yea you Glenn, I know you're reading this. He's one of those headless figures under "Followers" to the left of this post. Everyone say "Hi Glenn!"

En haut!

Pants on the ground! Pants on the ground! Well no longer... I finally bought a belt today at H&M. Woo! good times. Lance drove me into Avignon for the day so we could go to spin class later at night. I found my favorite spot in the Pope's gardens overlooking the river, town and mountains and just chilled out for a while. I also finally ventured into the the Pope's Palace as well and holy crap is that thing big. Not to mention the rooms. I guess it figures seeing the size of those Popes... they probably needed room to roll around when they fell out of their chairs, etc. So anyway, after the palace and eating too many pastries in the square I headed to Lance's bike shop... anddd in my typical fashion, it took me 2 hours to find. I had to go through Baghdad to find it. (The locals refer to a lot of places here as Baghdad because of all the Arab immigrants... and there are tons for sure). It actually does kinda look like Baghdad around his shop, and I feel bad for him because they broke into his store and stole two bikes last weekend. But they say its not really a racist thing, its more of the immigrants come and just cause trouble, mostly with drugs and stealing and all that.
So we get to the gym and he immediately starts introducing me to all the women there, which I guess I didn't mind. But holy poopers, if you have never done a spin class, you gotta do it, that snuff is insane. I mean I don't know about the ones in the US, but here they are obsessed with biking. I would've passed out if I wasn't by the window (no A/C and 40 people in a small room). Oh and I've come to the conclusion I love french gyms, just because they have some of the quirkiest things or ways doing stuff. I mean they had a hula dancing class right next to ours with grass skirts and all = amazing. I mean... in France? Hula dancing? And its not like belly dancing in the states where the girls take a step or something and their belly jiggles, i mean these ladies were legit. The changing rooms were interesting as well because the door opens up for a full view of the gym, and its stuffed with smelly naked french men and myself lol.
So now I'm home, beyond tired, and full of more delicious desserts from Valerie's shop and coffee that could wake the dead.

And as a side note, while sitting and taking in the people around me I inevitably heard babies crying. I just find it ironic that babies have the least worries in the world... but cry more than any of us.

It's official. I'm going to be fat when I return. The food they keep feeding me is beyond ridiculous. Tonight I had a gourmet salad, then pastry stuffed with sausage, a fresh baguette, fries, chicken patties, and finished it off with this eclaire-like thing stuffed with some cream and caramelized sugar on top. Usually I'm not one for sweets but that thing was sick. But that doesn't even touch a normal night's meal here. Good thing I've started running again. I've agreed to go to spin class with 'Lance' tomorrow. Should be fun. I've never been to one but I have been assured that beaucoup des filles seraient là. Time to turn on some charm while out of breath and sweating profusely.

Today was pretty relaxing. Got up and helped Valerie with a little TLC. She is demolishing the bathroom and we took out all the tiles from the walls. Its all part of a huge makeover for the house. Besides that I just took in some sun in the garden while tutoring Matt and the dad a little, as well as just reviewing a crapload of french for myself. As for right now, we are hanging out in typical fashion... that being sitting around the TV and watching shows where amazingly beautiful women are with amazingly not beautiful men, yet they are still cheated on. The french love stories involving cheating and I haven't figured it out. Speaking of French-ness on the screen... I saw a trailer for a new movie in the US coming out called Dinner for Schmucks. All it is, is what looks like a poor remake of the french classic Le Diner de Cons. Oh well. C'est tout.

I woke up to the sounds of l'aspirateur and les volets smacking against the side of the house outside my window. After managing to get out of that ridiculously comfortable bed I spent a good few hours sitting in the beautiful weather in the garden, reading and enjoying a nice cigar. Though, probably the last cigar for a while. They are amazed by the size of our cigars. The French mostly smoke cigarellos, neither which you inhale, but taste oh so delicious. The dad 'Bub' asked for me and Matt to come to town so he could buy us some ice-cream. There was no way I was going to refuse that. I ended up having to ride Valerie's bike... a very sexy shade of pink that I thought went well with my outfit, and was sure to command me the respect of everyone in the village. I'm going to throw it out there that was the first time i've been on a bike in a good 10 years. It was interesting for sure, especially crossing traffic... but then again they couldn't miss me with that color. Bub's friend was there and we got to talking about various things but rock climbing came up. Turns out he has an extra harness and knows some places around here to go. He also helped me hit on the waitress which was easier than I thought. He gave me some advice saying the girls here like it when we speak english to them instead of french... the exact opposite of what I had heard before coming. So perfect!

Valerie came home around five o'clock and we left shortly thereafter to go running in the countryside. I underestimated how beautiful southern France is. We started on a trail near cherry farms and the base of a huge mountain range, following a canal/spring. We stopped on top of a huge dam in front of Fontaine de Vaucluse. Aside from the amazing scenery there was a group of guys who wanted me and 'the pretty lady' to *reposer with them, i.e. share some heinekens. All in all in was about a 7km run... pretty stout considering I haven't run in like a month, especially cross-country. Soon after we returned home, I taught Matt speaking Franglish for an hour or so, then had some gooood chicken and pastries from Valerie's shop. Not too much else going on, except for watching with everyone this quintessential french show with nudity and laughter... family programming for all haha.

Soo, concluding an interesting day for sure. After this morning's let down I figured a good remedy would be some chocolate. I walked into town again to find this Chocolatier place. I ended up buying a big egg. I'm gunna go with because it was just Easter... yeah. My pants are starting to hang gangsta because I think I left my belt... on the airplane? I'm not sure but I'm gonna go with that. But no luck finding a replacement. As I was walking home I finallllly saw some girls my age. Too bad they were in a ravenous pack and totally unapproachable. Yeah, excuses. So when I got home the parents were actually there, at the same time, which is very rare. The mom asked if i wanted to go with them to Gordes (a small town nearby), and the next thing I know I'm at the mayor's house with champagne listening about Napoleon's conquest of Egypt and classical dance. Who knew. Oh, and may I just say the old ladies here are adorable, and I get to do the kissing cheek all the time now... keepin it old school. After helping the mom walk through the cobblestone streets in heels, we headed back to L'isle-sur-la-Sorgue. No sooner were we on our way to Avignon for a delicious meal at an Irish pub. The mom (Valerie), wanted me to eat some red meat since the family doesn't eat it and she knew that I liked it (how sweet). I had a nice 50cl Guiness to wash my meal down. Oh, our waiiter was a prick so we didn't tip. I love it. He waited in NYC, so maybe that had something to do with it. After our meal we headed to Marine's bar. The place was PACKED. Far different from the sleepy little café in the morning where I had my coffee a few days ago. All the guys were ridiculously European and could dance too well for their own good. We hung out for a while and split... a good sign though is that I can now understand french in a club setting... mile-marker passed! haha.

Figured I'd try a blog

Well, I’m starting this a few days after I have arrived here in France.

The plane ride went smoothly. The plane was brand new and we were the first crew to ride it. Don’t know if that was a good thing or not haha, being guinea pigs and all. I sat next to a very nice woman traveling with her daughter’s basketball team. The flight was 8 hours long and went by quickly, thanks to the many free movies I watched. However, the landing was kind of sketchy as the runway was wet and the plane swerved back and forth to give us a pretty good scare haha. Once leaving the plane it took me a while to find the shuttle for the train station. Charles de Gaule is very big and confusing. Though it looks like you are in a huge human aquarium at one point. I finally got to the train station and walked around lost for a good 15 minutes just trying to find somewhere to eat. Had a nice ham and cheese sandwich and was introduced to how small the French coffees are here. Like shots! They apparently don’t have heaters there either because I could see my breath the whole 5 hours I waited on my train. Finally it came and while waiting on the platform I met a nice Cambodian man. We both thought each other were French at first until we realized we spoke English. I ended up sitting next to him on the train and he bought me a coffee. He has worked all over the world and has family all over as well. He was going to Valence and hasn’t been in France for 20 years. The train broke down for 30 minutes on the tracks, maybe a strike who knows lol. So I was a little late, but I met Jilly and Marine at the station. Jilly is Marine’s boyfriend who I didn’t know existed. But he was real nice and speaks English quite well. I arrived at the house and was greeted by the mom and son and a nice easter tarte. I ate a lot of it to be polite and because it tasted so good! They let me get settled in and I went to bed a little later and slept for a good 15 hours. It felt amazing. The next day I got up and had some breakfast and coffee (they American sized it for me). I have bad memory so I’m just going to say I hung out the rest of the day at the house.
Yesterday (Tuesday) I got up early, and went with ‘Lance’ – a roommate here who owns a bike shop and is obsessed with Lance Armstrong - and Matt (the son) to Matt’s soccer match, well we dropped him off. Lance drove me to Avignon where I enjoyed the rest of the day. I started off by having some coffee with him at Marine’s bar, then went on my way. I made my way to The Palais de Papes and hiked up to the gardens and enjoyed the stunning view for quite a while. I then walked down every conceivable street in the town.. people watched and ate some French pizza-ish things. I would eventually walk around the city twice, including the gardens. I didn’t bring my camera but will next time. I went to the bus station and waited about an hour for the bus to come… during which I was offered drugs twice haha. So I moved. Bus driver was a little rude to me but I don’t care. I got off in downtown L’isle sur la sorgue because the bus does not run near my house. I didn’t know the address, go figure! So I spent a good hour or so walking around trying to find somewhere with a map… eventually after talking with a couple nice old ladies I found l’office de tourisme. The lady working highlighted how to get to the street I was lookingw for, because I at least remembered the name of that (Chemin de la musculade)! When I got home no one was here really, or at least I wasn’t sure if they were sleeping. The parents have odd hours that are never the same because they own bakeries. Sometimes the dad will go at 3am… 5am etc. So I went to take a nap and closed my door around 5pm. I didn’t wake up till.. 9pm but when I went to open the door I couldn’t. I didn’t think to go out the window, but if you know me this wouldn’t surprise you. So I went back to bed and didn’t get up til 8 this morning… so another 15hr sleep haha. But this time I went out through the window and came back in the kitchen. A neighbor was visiting and he tightened my door handle for me so my door works now! Valerie told me that Marine and Jilly had come over for dinner last night and they just thought I was tired and didn’t want to knock on the door haha. Oh well. But so far today I went to the store with Valerie to get a whiteboard so it will be easy to teach English.

Some thoughts: The French culture is very interesting. I don’t see a lot of smiling going on. I smile at everyone I walk by and no one smiles back except old people. I am told this is because they think it weird unless you have a reason to be smiling at them. Also don’t pat them on the back. And the cheek kisses are apparently touching cheeks and kissing air. It was nice to have my first real one of those. The French really don’t like working. I asked the dad if he enjoyed work and he said no. I thought that since he was really good at it he would.. but he said he just wants to be out on a boat.

Thursday, April 8th

Woke up this morning and stayed in bed til 11ish. Lazy morning. Didn’t hear anyone moving about in the house. Got up and went to go take a shower to see my towel missing.. so once again no shower haha. Keeping it French. So now that I knew I could leave the house and not lock the door or anything I decided to walk into town today. The walk is more like a trek. At least a mile into town but I need the exercise, which is one thing I’m starting to miss. Today is cloudy so it’s still pretty chilly here. I walked around the town, and around it again. Then one more time. I still haven’t figured out the timing for the French stores. Most stores open late in the morning, then close for an hour or two during lunch. So I really didn’t get to go to many places, not that there is a whole lot of shopping here to begin with… it’s mostly antique shops and shoe places. I poked my head inside a pizzeria and had a decent size four cheese pizza. The cheeses here are quite interesting. There is one in particular that if you could capture the smell of a frenchy’s armpit and harness it into a small ball, and transfer it into taste, that is what it consists of. So I started to eat around those little areas. I’m starting to notice that there aren’t a whole lot of young people in this town. If there are they just stay inside, which I can’t blame them unless they’re really into antiques. However, it would be nice to meet someone my age to hang out with. Seeing stuff is all well and good but I believe experiences are best shared, plus it will start to get lonely after a while after the novelty has worn off. Though tomorrow I’m going out for some drinks with Marine and her friends apparently. As for today… I’ll probably just chill here and watch some movies online, maybe have one of those cigars I brought. **Side note: it is now a running joke about how slow I eat, which surprises me because I thought I ate fast… ohh the French. They count the plates one by one until they get to me, and then laugh. I feel special. As in the kind they have schools for. ALSO. Good news because they told me that Matt’s French tutor is a very pretty 23 year old. Chaaa ching. We’ll see tomorrow**




Friday, April 9

Okay… well. I woke up this morning and went to take a shower. When I got out I heard a feminine voice and said to myself this was the tutor they were telling me about. I sincerely hope not haha. I don’t know if they were playing a trick on me but this tutor (and she is a tutor of some sort) is a woman well in her years… and weight. Ohh man. I’ll give it the rest of the day but I’m pretty sure I’ve been had. Touché Gledhill’s… Touché….

So it’s official. Mrs. Doubtfire was the supposed girl of my dreams haha. Oh well, well played Frenchies… well played! I have to figure out a way to get them back. Maybe tonight when we go to Avignon for drinks, WHICH by the way Lance Armstrong here told me cost 6 euros. I hope for thirsty good time’s sake that he is mistaken. That’d be like $10 a drink. Pas bon.